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Why Cannons Don’t Belong At Football Games

Posted on September 27, 2019

By Annalece Anhalt-Slaughter

While it’s generally hard to surprise us at the Fan Controlled Football League, here we are, having to actively explain why cannons and football games don’t mix. So let’s start with this: we love almost all traditions – whether it’s a certain song playing when your team scores a touchdown or having players leap into the stands to celebrate with the fans – we really eat that stuff up. So what about the ones we don’t love? Well, while this might come as a total shock to some of you, bringing weapons to football games is generally not a good idea. Even if it’s something that hasn’t been used since World War 1. Sadly, Maine Maritime Academy just learned this lesson over the weekend when an official was shot in the head by a cannon during their Homecoming game. Yes. A cannon. A Maine Maritime alumnus brought his own cannon to the game, keeping the tradition of firing a blast for every touchdown. He loaded it with “black powder and a substance that he had made into a wad,” not an actual cannonball, and the ‘wad’ is what struck the official.

As you can see in the bottom right of the video, the blast hit an unsuspecting referee. Don’t get us wrong, we hope this guy has a speedy recovery, but the fact that the school had to state that it would no longer allow any alumni to bring cannons to games seems like something that should have been made a rule years ago. Welcome to 2019, Maine Maritime Academy. With that said, please do not try to smuggle any cannons into the production studio should you attend an FCFL game in Las Vegas. We have yet to make any decision on crossbows and flails, though.*

*We are completely kidding. Do not bring ANY weapons to FCFL games.

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